What should I say and do when something bad happens or someone dies?

The short answer

Say "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un" (we belong to Allah and to Him we will return), and the dua the Prophet ﷺ taught: "O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange". Tears are allowed; what patience asks is that you avoid words of objection to Allah, especially in the first moments.

Evidence 1 2 3 4 5 6

Explanation

The words of the patient. Allah gives good tidings to the patient, "Who, when disaster strikes them, say, 'Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return'". He promises them "blessings from their Lord and mercy", and calls them "the [rightly] guided" 1. The phrase reminds you that what you lost was never truly yours, and that you too are returning to Him.

The dua for something better. The Prophet ﷺ said that any Muslim struck by a calamity who says, "We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it", Allah will give him something better. Umm Salamah (RA) said it when her husband Abu Salamah died, wondering who could be better than him, and Allah gave her the Prophet ﷺ himself as a husband 2.

The first moment matters. The Prophet ﷺ passed a woman weeping at a grave and told her to fear Allah and be patient. Not recognising him, she snapped at him. When she learned who he was, she came to tell him she had not recognised him, and he said, "Verily, the patience is at the first stroke of a calamity" 3. That first moment is the hardest, and it is where patience truly counts.

Tears are not impatience. When his son Ibrahim was dying, the Prophet ﷺ wept and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord" 4. Crying, missing someone, and needing time are all human.

Ya'qub's (AS) way. Facing the loss of his sons, he said, "patience is most fitting" (sabrun jamil), and "Perhaps Allah will bring them to me all together" 5. Beautiful patience still holds on to hope.

Remember the reward. Allah says in a hadith qudsi that if He takes a servant's eyesight and he remains patient, He will give him Paradise in exchange 6. No sincere patience goes unrewarded.

The evidence

  1. 1
    Quran Al-Baqara · 2:155–157

    The patient say "we belong to Allah and to Him we return"; theirs are blessings, mercy and guidance.

    وَلَنَبۡلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيۡءࣲ مِّنَ ٱلۡخَوۡفِ وَٱلۡجُوعِ وَنَقۡصࣲ مِّنَ ٱلۡأَمۡوَٰلِ وَٱلۡأَنفُسِ وَٱلثَّمَرَٰتِۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلصَّٰبِرِينَ ۝١٥٥ ٱلَّذِينَ إِذَآ أَصَٰبَتۡهُم مُّصِيبَةࣱ قَالُوٓاْ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّآ إِلَيۡهِ رَٰجِعُونَ ۝١٥٦ أُوْلَٰٓئِكَ عَلَيۡهِمۡ صَلَوَٰتࣱ مِّن رَّبِّهِمۡ وَرَحۡمَةࣱۖ وَأُوْلَٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلۡمُهۡتَدُونَ ۝١٥٧

    155 And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient 156 Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return 157 Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided

  2. 2
    Hadith Sahih Muslim 918
    Sahih Muslim

    The dua for calamity asking for reward and something better; Umm Salamah said it and was given the Prophet ﷺ as husband.

    Umm Salama reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:If any Muslim who suffers some calamity says, what Allah has commanded him," We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it," Allah will give him something better than it in exchange. When Abu Salama died she said: What Muslim is better than Abu Salama whose family was the first to emigrate to the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ). I then said the words, and Allah gave me God's Messenger (ﷺ) in exchange. She said: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) sent Hatib b. Abu Balta'a to deliver me the message of marriage with him. I said to him: I have a daughter (as my dependant) and I am of jealous temperament. He (the Holy Prophet) said: So far as her daughter is concerned, we would supplicate Allah, that He may free her (of her responsibility) and I would also supplicate Allah to do away with (her) jealous (temperament)

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ أَيُّوبَ، وَقُتَيْبَةُ، وَابْنُ، حُجْرٍ جَمِيعًا عَنْ إِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنِ جَعْفَرٍ، - قَالَ ابْنُ أَيُّوبَ حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، - أَخْبَرَنِي سَعْدُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، عَنْ عُمَرَ بْنِ كَثِيرِ بْنِ أَفْلَحَ، عَنِ ابْنِ، سَفِينَةَ عَنْ أُمِّ سَلَمَةَ، أَنَّهَا قَالَتْ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ ‏"‏ مَا مِنْ مُسْلِمٍ تُصِيبُهُ مُصِيبَةٌ فَيَقُولُ مَا أَمَرَهُ اللَّهُ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ اللَّهُمَّ أْجُرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي وَأَخْلِفْ لِي خَيْرًا مِنْهَا ‏.‏ إِلاَّ أَخْلَفَ اللَّهُ لَهُ خَيْرًا مِنْهَا ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ فَلَمَّا مَاتَ أَبُو سَلَمَةَ قُلْتُ أَىُّ الْمُسْلِمِينَ خَيْرٌ مِنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ أَوَّلُ بَيْتٍ هَاجَرَ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏.‏ ثُمَّ إِنِّي قُلْتُهَا فَأَخْلَفَ اللَّهُ لِي رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏.‏ قَالَتْ أَرْسَلَ إِلَىَّ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم حَاطِبَ بْنَ أَبِي بَلْتَعَةَ يَخْطُبُنِي لَهُ فَقُلْتُ إِنَّ لِي بِنْتًا وَأَنَا غَيُورٌ ‏.‏ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ أَمَّا ابْنَتُهَا فَنَدْعُو اللَّهَ أَنْ يُغْنِيَهَا عَنْهَا وَأَدْعُو اللَّهَ أَنْ يَذْهَبَ بِالْغَيْرَةِ ‏"‏ ‏.‏

  3. 3
    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 1283
    Sahih Bukhari

    Real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.

    Narrated Anas bin Malik:The Prophet (ﷺ) passed by a woman who was weeping beside a grave. He told her to fear Allah and be patient. She said to him, "Go away, for you have not been afflicted with a calamity like mine." And she did not recognize him. Then she was informed that he was the Prophet (ﷺ) . so she went to the house of the Prophet (ﷺ) and there she did not find any guard. Then she said to him, "I did not recognize you." He said, "Verily, the patience is at the first stroke of a calamity

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا آدَمُ، حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، حَدَّثَنَا ثَابِتٌ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ مَرَّ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم بِامْرَأَةٍ تَبْكِي عِنْدَ قَبْرٍ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ اتَّقِي اللَّهَ وَاصْبِرِي ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالَتْ إِلَيْكَ عَنِّي، فَإِنَّكَ لَمْ تُصَبْ بِمُصِيبَتِي، وَلَمْ تَعْرِفْهُ‏.‏ فَقِيلَ لَهَا إِنَّهُ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏.‏ فَأَتَتْ باب النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَلَمْ تَجِدْ عِنْدَهُ بَوَّابِينَ فَقَالَتْ لَمْ أَعْرِفْكَ‏.‏ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ إِنَّمَا الصَّبْرُ عِنْدَ الصَّدْمَةِ الأُولَى ‏"‏‏.‏

  4. 4
    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 1303
    Sahih Bukhari

    The Prophet ﷺ wept at his son's death while saying only what pleases Allah.

    Narrated Anas bin Malik:We went with Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif's house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) started shedding tears. `Abdur Rahman bin `Auf said, "O Allah's Apostle, even you are weeping!" He said, "O Ibn `Auf, this is mercy." Then he wept more and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا الْحَسَنُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الْعَزِيزِ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ حَسَّانَ، حَدَّثَنَا قُرَيْشٌ ـ هُوَ ابْنُ حَيَّانَ ـ عَنْ ثَابِتٍ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ دَخَلْنَا مَعَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَلَى أَبِي سَيْفٍ الْقَيْنِ ـ وَكَانَ ظِئْرًا لإِبْرَاهِيمَ ـ عَلَيْهِ السَّلاَمُ ـ فَأَخَذَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم إِبْرَاهِيمَ فَقَبَّلَهُ وَشَمَّهُ، ثُمَّ دَخَلْنَا عَلَيْهِ بَعْدَ ذَلِكَ، وَإِبْرَاهِيمُ يَجُودُ بِنَفْسِهِ، فَجَعَلَتْ عَيْنَا رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم تَذْرِفَانِ‏.‏ فَقَالَ لَهُ عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنُ عَوْفٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ وَأَنْتَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ يَا ابْنَ عَوْفٍ إِنَّهَا رَحْمَةٌ ‏"‏‏.‏ ثُمَّ أَتْبَعَهَا بِأُخْرَى فَقَالَ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ إِنَّ الْعَيْنَ تَدْمَعُ، وَالْقَلْبَ يَحْزَنُ، وَلاَ نَقُولُ إِلاَّ مَا يَرْضَى رَبُّنَا، وَإِنَّا بِفِرَاقِكَ يَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ لَمَحْزُونُونَ ‏"‏‏.‏ رَوَاهُ مُوسَى عَنْ سُلَيْمَانَ بْنِ الْمُغِيرَةِ عَنْ ثَابِتٍ عَنْ أَنَسٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏.‏

  5. 5
    Quran Yusuf · 12:83

    Ya'qub (AS) said "patience is most fitting" and hoped Allah would bring his sons back.

    قَالَ بَلۡ سَوَّلَتۡ لَكُمۡ أَنفُسُكُمۡ أَمۡرࣰ اۖ فَصَبۡرࣱ جَمِيلٌۖ عَسَى ٱللَّهُ أَن يَأۡتِيَنِي بِهِمۡ جَمِيعًاۚ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلۡعَلِيمُ ٱلۡحَكِيمُ ۝٨٣

    [Jacob] said, "Rather, your souls have enticed you to something, so patience is most fitting. Perhaps Allah will bring them to me all together. Indeed it is He who is the Knowing, the Wise

  6. 6
    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 5653
    Sahih Bukhari

    Whoever loses his eyesight and remains patient, Allah will give him Paradise in exchange.

    Narrated Anas bin Malik:I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saying, "Allah said, 'If I deprive my slave of his two beloved things (i.e., his eyes) and he remains patient, I will let him enter Paradise in compensation for them

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ يُوسُفَ، حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي ابْنُ الْهَادِ، عَنْ عَمْرٍو، مَوْلَى الْمُطَّلِبِ عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ سَمِعْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ ‏ "‏ إِنَّ اللَّهَ قَالَ إِذَا ابْتَلَيْتُ عَبْدِي بِحَبِيبَتَيْهِ فَصَبَرَ عَوَّضْتُهُ مِنْهُمَا الْجَنَّةَ ‏"‏‏.‏ يُرِيدُ عَيْنَيْهِ‏.‏ تَابَعَهُ أَشْعَثُ بْنُ جَابِرٍ وَأَبُو ظِلاَلٍ عَنْ أَنَسٍ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏.‏

This answer was compiled with the help of AI, using only the verified texts shown here. Every reference links to its source. If you find a mistake, please report it. Updated 2026-09-24

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