Do I have to obey my parents in everything?

The short answer

You must be kind and respectful to your parents always, and obey them in what is good and reasonable. But there is no obedience to anyone, parents included, in disobeying Allah. Even when you cannot obey, you still speak to them gently and keep treating them well.

Evidence 1 2 3 4 5 6

Explanation

Two principles work together here. First, parents have an enormous right: pleasing them is tied to pleasing Allah. The Prophet ﷺ said, "The Lord's pleasure is in the parent's pleasure, and the Lord's anger is in the parent's anger" 1. So in ordinary matters, such as helping at home, being careful with your safety, or respecting their wishes about your time, their wishes carry real weight.

Second, obedience to any human has a limit. The Prophet ﷺ said, "No obedience for evil deeds, obedience is required only in what is good" 2. The Quran applies this directly to parents: if they push you to associate partners with Allah, "do not obey them" 3. The same applies to any clear sin, like skipping obligatory prayer, removing hijab, or taking part in something haram.

Notice what the verse says next: "but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness" 3. Refusing to sin never gives you permission to be rude. You can say "I can't do that" in a soft, respectful voice.

What about big life decisions? These are matters of consultation. A son whose mother told him to divorce his wife asked Abu al-Darda, who did not decide for him but replied with the hadith: the father is "the middle gate to Paradise", so guard it or lose it 4. The Prophet ﷺ also told Ibn Umar to divorce a wife whom his father Umar disliked 6. Scholars take from these that parents' wishes deserve great weight, while many, such as Imam Ahmad, said this does not let any parent demand a divorce without a sound reason. Marriage itself needs the consent of the person marrying 5.

Practical steps: listen fully before answering, explain your reasons calmly, look for a compromise, involve a wise relative or imam if needed, and keep praying for them. Honour them even when you disagree.

The evidence

  1. 1
    Hadith Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1899
    Sahih graded by Al-Albani

    The Lord's pleasure is in the parent's pleasure, and His anger in the parent's anger.

    Abdullah bin Amr narrated that:the Prophet said: "The Lord's pleasure is in the parent's pleasure, and the Lord's anger is in the parent's anger."(Hasan)

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو حَفْصٍ، عَمْرُو بْنُ عَلِيٍّ حَدَّثَنَا خَالِدُ بْنُ الْحَارِثِ، حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، عَنْ يَعْلَى بْنِ عَطَاءٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ رِضَا الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَا الْوَالِدِ وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ بَشَّارٍ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ جَعْفَرٍ، عَنْ شُعْبَةَ، عَنْ يَعْلَى بْنِ عَطَاءٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، نَحْوَهُ وَلَمْ يَرْفَعْهُ وَهَذَا أَصَحُّ ‏.‏ قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى وَهَكَذَا رَوَى أَصْحَابُ شُعْبَةَ عَنْ شُعْبَةَ عَنْ يَعْلَى بْنِ عَطَاءٍ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو مَوْقُوفًا وَلاَ نَعْلَمُ أَحَدًا رَفَعَهُ غَيْرَ خَالِدِ بْنِ الْحَارِثِ عَنْ شُعْبَةَ ‏.‏ وَخَالِدُ بْنُ الْحَارِثِ ثِقَةٌ مَأْمُونٌ ‏.‏ قَالَ سَمِعْتُ مُحَمَّدَ بْنَ الْمُثَنَّى يَقُولُ مَا رَأَيْتُ بِالْبَصْرَةِ مِثْلَ خَالِدِ بْنِ الْحَارِثِ وَلاَ بِالْكُوفَةِ مِثْلَ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ إِدْرِيسَ ‏.‏ قَالَ وَفِي الْبَابِ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ مَسْعُودٍ ‏.‏

  2. 2
    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 7257
    Sahih Bukhari

    There is no obedience in sin; obedience is only in what is good.

    Narrated `Ali:The Prophet (ﷺ) , sent an army and appointed some man their commander The man made a fire and then said (to the soldiers), "Enter it." Some of them intended to enter it while some others said, 'We have run away from it (i.e., embraced Islam to save ourselves from the 'fire')." They mentioned that to the Prophet, and he said about people who had intended to enter the fire. ''If they had entered it, they would have remained In it till the Day of Resurrection.'' Then he said to others, "No obedience for evil deeds, obedience is required only in what is good

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ بَشَّارٍ، حَدَّثَنَا غُنْدَرٌ، حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، عَنْ زُبَيْدٍ، عَنْ سَعْدِ بْنِ عُبَيْدَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، عَنْ عَلِيٍّ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم بَعَثَ جَيْشًا وَأَمَّرَ عَلَيْهِمْ رَجُلاً، فَأَوْقَدَ نَارًا وَقَالَ ادْخُلُوهَا‏.‏ فَأَرَادُوا أَنْ يَدْخُلُوهَا، وَقَالَ آخَرُونَ إِنَّمَا فَرَرْنَا مِنْهَا، فَذَكَرُوا لِلنَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ لِلَّذِينَ أَرَادُوا أَنْ يَدْخُلُوهَا ‏"‏ لَوْ دَخَلُوهَا لَمْ يَزَالُوا فِيهَا إِلَى يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ ‏"‏‏.‏ وَقَالَ لِلآخَرِينَ ‏"‏ لاَ طَاعَةَ فِي مَعْصِيَةٍ، إِنَّمَا الطَّاعَةُ فِي الْمَعْرُوفِ ‏"‏‏.‏

  3. 3
    Quran Luqman · 31:15

    If parents push you to shirk, do not obey them, but accompany them with kindness.

    وَإِن جَٰهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰٓ أَن تُشۡرِكَ بِي مَا لَيۡسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلۡمࣱ فَلَا تُطِعۡهُمَاۖ وَصَاحِبۡهُمَا فِي ٱلدُّنۡيَا مَعۡرُوفࣰ اۖ وَٱتَّبِعۡ سَبِيلَ مَنۡ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّۚ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرۡجِعُكُمۡ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمۡ تَعۡمَلُونَ ۝١٥

    But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do

  4. 4
    Hadith Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1900
    Sahih graded by Al-Albani

    Asked about a mother who ordered her son to divorce, Abu al-Darda cited "the father is the middle gate of Paradise".

    Abu 'Abdur-Rahman As-Sulami narrated from Abu Ad Darda'.:He said that a man came and said : "I have a wife whom my mother has ordered me to divorce." So Abu Ad-Darda said: " I heard the Messenger of Allah saying: 'The father is the middle gate to Paradise. So if you wish, then neglect that door, or protect it

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ أَبِي عُمَرَ، حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ بْنُ عُيَيْنَةَ، عَنْ عَطَاءِ بْنِ السَّائِبِ الْهُجَيْمِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ السُّلَمِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي الدَّرْدَاءِ، أَنَّ رَجُلاً، أَتَاهُ فَقَالَ إِنَّ لِي امْرَأَةً وَإِنَّ أُمِّي تَأْمُرُنِي بِطَلاَقِهَا ‏.‏ قَالَ أَبُو الدَّرْدَاءِ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ ‏ "‏ الْوَالِدُ أَوْسَطُ أَبْوَابِ الْجَنَّةِ فَإِنْ شِئْتَ فَأَضِعْ ذَلِكَ الْبَابَ أَوِ احْفَظْهُ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَ وَقَالَ ابْنُ أَبِي عُمَرَ وَرُبَّمَا قَالَ سُفْيَانُ إِنَّ أُمِّي وَرُبَّمَا قَالَ أَبِي ‏.‏ وَهَذَا حَدِيثٌ صَحِيحٌ ‏.‏ وَأَبُو عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ السُّلَمِيُّ اسْمُهُ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ حَبِيبٍ ‏.‏

  5. 5
    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 5136
    Sahih Bukhari

    A woman is not to be married without her consent.

    Narrated Abu Huraira:The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا مُعَاذُ بْنُ فَضَالَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامٌ، عَنْ يَحْيَى، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، أَنَّ أَبَا هُرَيْرَةَ، حَدَّثَهُمْ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏"‏ لاَ تُنْكَحُ الأَيِّمُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْمَرَ وَلاَ تُنْكَحُ الْبِكْرُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْذَنَ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَكَيْفَ إِذْنُهَا قَالَ ‏"‏ أَنْ تَسْكُتَ ‏"‏‏.‏

  6. 6
    Hadith Sunan Abi Dawud 5138
    Sahih graded by Al-Albani

    The Prophet ﷺ told Ibn Umar to divorce a wife whom his father Umar disliked.

    Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar: A woman was my wife and I loved her, but Umar hated her. He said to me: Divorce her, but I refused. Umar then went to the Prophet (ﷺ) and mentioned that to him. The Prophet (ﷺ) said: Divorce her

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا مُسَدَّدٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي ذِئْبٍ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي خَالِي الْحَارِثُ، عَنْ حَمْزَةَ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عُمَرَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، قَالَ كَانَتْ تَحْتِي امْرَأَةٌ وَكُنْتُ أُحِبُّهَا وَكَانَ عُمَرُ يَكْرَهُهَا فَقَالَ لِي طَلِّقْهَا فَأَبَيْتُ فَأَتَى عُمَرُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَذَكَرَ ذَلِكَ لَهُ فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ طَلِّقْهَا ‏"‏ ‏.‏

This answer was compiled with the help of AI, using only the verified texts shown here. Every reference links to its source. If you find a mistake, please report it. Updated 2026-09-24

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