Family & Relationships
Parents, marriage, children, relatives and interaction between men and women.
- What are my duties to my parents in Islam? After worshipping Allah alone, being good to your parents is one of the greatest duties in Islam. You must treat them with kindness and respect, speak gently even when they are difficult, serve them, especially in old age, and pray for them. Being undutiful to parents is among the greatest sins.
- How can I honour my parents after they die? Your relationship with your parents does not end at the grave. You can make dua for them, give charity on their behalf, pay their debts (many scholars include missed fasts), and be kind to their friends and relatives. The Prophet ﷺ said a righteous child who prays for a parent is one of the things that keeps benefiting a person after death.
- What if my parents are not Muslim? You must still honour and be kind to them. The Quran commands good treatment of parents even when they try to pull you away from Islam: you do not obey them in disbelief, but you keep them company in this world with kindness. The Prophet ﷺ told a Companion to keep good relations with her non-Muslim mother.
- Do I have to obey my parents in everything? You must be kind and respectful to your parents always, and obey them in what is good and reasonable. But there is no obedience to anyone, parents included, in disobeying Allah. Even when you cannot obey, you still speak to them gently and keep treating them well.
- What does Islam say about choosing a spouse? Look above all for religion and good character. The Prophet ﷺ said people marry for wealth, status, beauty and religion, and told us to prioritise religion. Attraction also matters: you are encouraged to see the person before agreeing, and to pray istikhara and consult your family.
- Is divorce allowed in Islam? Yes. Divorce is permitted when a marriage cannot continue in a healthy way, and a wife can also end the marriage through khul'. But Islam asks couples to try reconciliation first, to be patient with each other's faults, and, if they do separate, to do it with fairness and kindness.
- Can my parents force me to marry someone? No. A marriage requires the consent of the bride, and the Prophet ﷺ cancelled a marriage that a father had arranged for his daughter against her wishes. Arranged marriage, where families suggest and the couple freely agree, is fine; forced marriage is not. Most scholars also require the woman's guardian (wali) to take part in the contract, and classical schools differed over a father's authority when marrying off a virgin daughter.
- What are the rights of a husband and a wife in Islam? Both spouses have rights over each other "according to what is reasonable". The husband must provide for his wife, treat her kindly and never harm her; the wife is asked to be loyal, guard the home and his trust, and cooperate with him. The Prophet ﷺ said the best of people are those who are best to their wives.
- What does Islam say about having daughters? Daughters are a gift from Allah and a path to Paradise. The Quran condemned the pre-Islamic practice of grieving over, and even burying, baby girls, and the Prophet ﷺ promised that whoever raises daughters well will be close to him on the Day of Resurrection and shielded from the Fire.
- How should parents treat their children in Islam? With mercy, fairness and responsibility. The Prophet ﷺ kissed and played with children, told parents to be just between their children, and taught that every parent is a shepherd responsible for their family. Providing for your children is one of the most rewarded ways of spending.
- How do I raise my children to love Islam and pray? Start early, teach by example and with gentleness, and be consistent. The Prophet ﷺ said to instruct children to pray at seven and to be firmer with them at ten. Luqman's advice to his son in the Quran is a model: teach tawhid, prayer, good character and humility, and keep making dua for your children.
- Should I give charity to my relatives first? Yes, needy relatives have a special priority, and giving to them earns a double reward: charity and keeping ties. Spending on your own dependants comes first. Zakat can go to needy relatives you are not already obliged to support, but not to your parents, children or (for a husband) your wife.
- Can I cut off a toxic relative? Completely severing ties of kinship is a major sin, even when relatives behave badly. But keeping ties does not mean accepting abuse: your safety comes first. You can limit contact, protect yourself and keep only the minimum that is safe, such as dua and, where possible, greetings or help, while leaving the door open.
- What are the rewards of keeping family ties? Keeping ties of kinship (silat al-rahim) is a sign of faith that brings Allah's closeness, and the Prophet ﷺ said it increases a person's provision and lengthens their life. It means visiting, calling, helping and being kind to relatives, especially those who are distant or difficult.
- What does lowering the gaze mean, and how do I do it? Lowering the gaze means not staring at the opposite gender with desire and turning away from what is haram to look at. It is commanded for both men and women. An accidental first glance is not a sin, but you should look away and not follow it with a second.
- Can I shake hands with the opposite gender? Most scholars hold that shaking hands with a non-mahram of the opposite gender is not allowed, because the Prophet ﷺ did not do so, even when women came to pledge allegiance to him. If someone offers you their hand, you can decline politely, for example with a smile and a hand on your heart. A minority of contemporary scholars permit a handshake without desire when refusing would cause harm.
- What are the rules on talking to the opposite gender in Islam? Talking to the opposite gender is allowed when there is a real need or benefit, such as study, work, business or asking about religion, as long as it is respectful and modest. What is forbidden is being alone together (khalwa), flirtatious or suggestive speech, and conversations that lead towards haram.