Can I shake hands with the opposite gender?

The short answer

Most scholars hold that shaking hands with a non-mahram of the opposite gender is not allowed, because the Prophet ﷺ did not do so, even when women came to pledge allegiance to him. If someone offers you their hand, you can decline politely, for example with a smile and a hand on your heart. A minority of contemporary scholars permit a handshake without desire when refusing would cause harm.

Evidence 1 2 3 4 5 6

Explanation

The clearest evidence is the Prophet's own practice. When women came to give him their pledge of allegiance, as described in the Quran 1, he accepted it by words. Aisha said, "by Allah, his hand never touched, any lady during that pledge of allegiance" 2. When Umaimah and other Ansari women asked to shake his hand for the pledge, he said, "I do not shake hands with women. Rather my word to a hundred women is like my word to one woman" 3.

This fits the wider teaching on modesty. Believing men and women are told to lower their gaze and guard their chastity 4, and the Prophet ﷺ described the zina of the eyes and tongue 5. Scholars reason that if looking with desire is forbidden, touching is more serious still. Hugging or other physical closeness with non-mahrams is therefore clearly off-limits.

In practice, this can be awkward at school, work or interviews. It helps to prepare a warm response in advance: smile, place your hand on your chest, and say something like, "It's nothing personal, I don't shake hands for religious reasons, but it's great to meet you." Most people respect a sincere explanation. If someone grabs your hand unexpectedly, you have not sinned; just explain kindly next time.

Remember the aim is not to be cold. The Prophet ﷺ was known for his warmth, and meeting people with a cheerful face is itself a good deed 6. You can be both principled and friendly.

The evidence

  1. 1
    Quran Al-Mumtahana · 60:12

    The pledge of allegiance of the believing women to the Prophet ﷺ.

    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّبِيُّ إِذَا جَآءَكَ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنَٰتُ يُبَايِعۡنَكَ عَلَىٰٓ أَن لَّا يُشۡرِكۡنَ بِٱللَّهِ شَيۡـࣰٔ ا وَلَا يَسۡرِقۡنَ وَلَا يَزۡنِينَ وَلَا يَقۡتُلۡنَ أَوۡلَٰدَهُنَّ وَلَا يَأۡتِينَ بِبُهۡتَٰنࣲ يَفۡتَرِينَهُۥ بَيۡنَ أَيۡدِيهِنَّ وَأَرۡجُلِهِنَّ وَلَا يَعۡصِينَكَ فِي مَعۡرُوفࣲ فَبَايِعۡهُنَّ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرۡ لَهُنَّ ٱللَّهَۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورࣱ رَّحِيمࣱ‏ ۝١٢

    O Prophet, when the believing women come to you pledging to you that they will not associate anything with Allah, nor will they steal, nor will they commit unlawful sexual intercourse, nor will they kill their children, nor will they bring forth a slander they have invented between their arms and legs, nor will they disobey you in what is right - then accept their pledge and ask forgiveness for them of Allah. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful

  2. 2
    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 4891
    Sahih Bukhari

    The Prophet's hand never touched a woman's hand during the women's pledge; he accepted it by words.

    Narrated `Urwa:Aisha the wife of the Prophet, said, "Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) used to examine the believing women who migrated to him in accordance with this Verse: 'O Prophet! When believing women come to you to take the oath of allegiance to you... Verily! Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.' (60.12) `Aisha said, "And if any of the believing women accepted the condition (assigned in the above-mentioned Verse), Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) would say to her. "I have accepted your pledge of allegiance." "He would only say that, for, by Allah, his hand never touched, any lady during that pledge of allegiance. He did not receive their pledge except by saying, "I have accepted your pledge of allegiance for that

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ، حَدَّثَنَا يَعْقُوبُ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ أَخِي ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، عَنْ عَمِّهِ، أَخْبَرَنِي عُرْوَةُ، أَنَّ عَائِشَةَ ـ رضى الله عنها ـ زَوْجَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَخْبَرَتْهُ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم كَانَ يَمْتَحِنُ مَنْ هَاجَرَ إِلَيْهِ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ بِهَذِهِ الآيَةِ، بِقَوْلِ اللَّهِ ‏{‏يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ إِذَا جَاءَكَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتُ يُبَايِعْنَكَ‏}‏ إِلَى قَوْلِهِ ‏{‏غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ‏}‏‏.‏ قَالَ عُرْوَةُ قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ فَمَنْ أَقَرَّ بِهَذَا الشَّرْطِ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ قَالَ لَهَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ قَدْ بَايَعْتُكِ ‏"‏‏.‏ كَلاَمًا وَلاَ وَاللَّهِ مَا مَسَّتْ يَدُهُ يَدَ امْرَأَةٍ قَطُّ فِي الْمُبَايَعَةِ، مَا يُبَايِعُهُنَّ إِلاَّ بِقَوْلِهِ ‏"‏ قَدْ بَايَعْتُكِ عَلَى ذَلِكَ ‏"‏‏.‏ تَابَعَهُ يُونُسُ وَمَعْمَرٌ وَعَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنُ إِسْحَاقَ عَنِ الزُّهْرِيِّ‏.‏ وَقَالَ إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ رَاشِدٍ عَنِ الزُّهْرِيِّ عَنْ عُرْوَةَ وَعَمْرَةَ‏.‏

  3. 3
    Hadith Sunan an-Nasa'i 4181
    Sahih graded by Al-Albani

    The Prophet ﷺ said, "I do not shake hands with women."

    It was narrated that Umaimah bint Ruqaiqah said:"I came to the Prophet with some other Ansari women to give our pledge. We said: 'O Messenger of Allah, we give you our pledge that we will not associate anything with Allah, we will not steal, we will not have unlawful sexual relations, we will not utter slander, fabricating from between our hands and feet, and we will not disobey you in goodness.' He said: 'As much as you can and are able.' We said: 'Allah and His Messenger are more merciful toward us. Com, let us give you our pledge, O Messenger of Allah! The Messenger of Allah said: 'I do not shake hands with women. Rather my word to a hundred women is like my word to one woman

    العربية

    أَخْبَرَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ بَشَّارٍ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الْمُنْكَدِرِ، عَنْ أُمَيْمَةَ بِنْتِ رُقَيْقَةَ، أَنَّهَا قَالَتْ أَتَيْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي نِسْوَةٍ مِنَ الأَنْصَارِ نُبَايِعُهُ فَقُلْنَا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ نُبَايِعُكَ عَلَى أَنْ لاَ نُشْرِكَ بِاللَّهِ شَيْئًا وَلاَ نَسْرِقَ وَلاَ نَزْنِيَ وَلاَ نَأْتِيَ بِبُهْتَانٍ نَفْتَرِيهِ بَيْنَ أَيْدِينَا وَأَرْجُلِنَا وَلاَ نَعْصِيَكَ فِي مَعْرُوفٍ ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏"‏ فِيمَا اسْتَطَعْتُنَّ وَأَطَقْتُنَّ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ قُلْنَا اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَرْحَمُ بِنَا هَلُمَّ نُبَايِعْكَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ‏.‏ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ إِنِّي لاَ أُصَافِحُ النِّسَاءَ إِنَّمَا قَوْلِي لِمِائَةِ امْرَأَةٍ كَقَوْلِي لاِمْرَأَةٍ وَاحِدَةٍ أَوْ مِثْلِ قَوْلِي لاِمْرَأَةٍ وَاحِدَةٍ ‏"‏ ‏.‏

  4. 4
    Quran An-Noor · 24:30–31

    Believing men and women are told to lower their gaze and guard their chastity.

    قُل لِّلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ يَغُضُّواْ مِنۡ أَبۡصَٰرِهِمۡ وَيَحۡفَظُواْ فُرُوجَهُمۡۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَزۡكَىٰ لَهُمۡۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ خَبِيرُۢ بِمَا يَصۡنَعُونَ ۝٣٠ وَقُل لِّلۡمُؤۡمِنَٰتِ يَغۡضُضۡنَ مِنۡ أَبۡصَٰرِهِنَّ وَيَحۡفَظۡنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبۡدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنۡهَاۖ وَلۡيَضۡرِبۡنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِهِنَّۖ وَلَا يُبۡدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوۡ ءَابَآئِهِنَّ أَوۡ ءَابَآءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوۡ أَبۡنَآئِهِنَّ أَوۡ أَبۡنَآءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوۡ إِخۡوَٰنِهِنَّ أَوۡ بَنِيٓ إِخۡوَٰنِهِنَّ أَوۡ بَنِيٓ أَخَوَٰتِهِنَّ أَوۡ نِسَآئِهِنَّ أَوۡ مَا مَلَكَتۡ أَيۡمَٰنُهُنَّ أَوِ ٱلتَّٰبِعِينَ غَيۡرِ أُوْلِي ٱلۡإِرۡبَةِ مِنَ ٱلرِّجَالِ أَوِ ٱلطِّفۡلِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَمۡ يَظۡهَرُواْ عَلَىٰ عَوۡرَٰتِ ٱلنِّسَآءِۖ وَلَا يَضۡرِبۡنَ بِأَرۡجُلِهِنَّ لِيُعۡلَمَ مَا يُخۡفِينَ مِن زِينَتِهِنَّۚ وَتُوبُوٓاْ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تُفۡلِحُونَ ۝٣١

    30 Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do 31 And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed

  5. 5
    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 6243
    Sahih Bukhari

    The eyes and tongue have their share of zina.

    Narrated Ibn `Abbas:I have not seen a thing resembling 'lamam' (minor sins) than what Abu Huraira 'narrated from the Prophet who said "Allah has written for Adam's son his share of adultery which he commits inevitably. The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنَا الْحُمَيْدِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، عَنِ ابْنِ طَاوُسٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ قَالَ لَمْ أَرَ شَيْئًا أَشْبَهَ بِاللَّمَمِ مِنْ قَوْلِ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ‏.‏ حَدَّثَنِي مَحْمُودٌ أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّزَّاقِ أَخْبَرَنَا مَعْمَرٌ عَنِ ابْنِ طَاوُسٍ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ قَالَ مَا رَأَيْتُ شَيْئًا أَشْبَهَ بِاللَّمَمِ مِمَّا قَالَ أَبُو هُرَيْرَةَ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَتَبَ عَلَى ابْنِ آدَمَ حَظَّهُ مِنَ الزِّنَا، أَدْرَكَ ذَلِكَ لاَ مَحَالَةَ، فَزِنَا الْعَيْنِ النَّظَرُ، وَزِنَا اللِّسَانِ الْمَنْطِقُ، وَالنَّفْسُ تَمَنَّى وَتَشْتَهِي، وَالْفَرْجُ يُصَدِّقُ ذَلِكَ كُلَّهُ وَيُكَذِّبُهُ ‏"‏‏.‏

  6. 6
    Hadith Sahih Muslim 2626
    Sahih Muslim

    Do not belittle any good, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face.

    Abu Dharr reported:Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) said to me: Don't consider anything insignificant out of good things even if it is that you meet your brother with a cheerful countenance

    العربية

    حَدَّثَنِي أَبُو غَسَّانَ الْمِسْمَعِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا عُثْمَانُ بْنُ عُمَرَ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو عَامِرٍ، - يَعْنِي الْخَزَّازَ - عَنْ أَبِي عِمْرَانَ الْجَوْنِيِّ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ الصَّامِتِ، عَنْ أَبِي ذَرٍّ، قَالَ قَالَ لِيَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ لاَ تَحْقِرَنَّ مِنَ الْمَعْرُوفِ شَيْئًا وَلَوْ أَنْ تَلْقَى أَخَاكَ بِوَجْهٍ طَلْقٍ ‏"‏ ‏.‏

This answer was compiled with the help of AI, using only the verified texts shown here. Every reference links to its source. If you find a mistake, please report it. Updated 2026-09-24

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