The short answer
Ask people who know the subject and who can be trusted to want good for you. The Prophet ﷺ said "He who is consulted is trustworthy", so an adviser must give honest, sincere counsel, and you should seek out people who will. For religious questions, ask people of knowledge.
Consultation is only as good as the people you consult. The Quran and Sunnah give some clear pointers.
Knowledge. "Ask the people of the message if you do not know" 1. The verse is about asking those who knew earlier revelation, but as-Sa'di notes its general lesson: whoever does not know should turn to those who do 8. For what is halal or haram, that means a qualified scholar; for a medical, financial or career question, someone with real expertise in that field.
Trustworthiness. The Prophet ﷺ said, "He who is consulted is trustworthy" 2, meaning the adviser holds your question as a trust. When Musa (AS) was being considered for work, the young woman described the ideal person as "the strong and the trustworthy" 3: capable, and honest.
Sincerity. "The religion is sincerity (nasihah)", including towards ordinary Muslims 4. A good adviser tells you the truth even when it is not what you want to hear. When Fatima bint Qays asked the Prophet ﷺ about two marriage proposals, he frankly mentioned a drawback in each and recommended someone else. She objected at first, then took his advice, and later said Allah blessed the marriage 5.
More than one voice. When Umar (RA) had to decide whether to lead people into a land struck by plague, he consulted the early emigrants, then the Ansar, then the elders of Quraysh, weighed their views, and decided 6.
Family. The Prophet ﷺ told Aisha (RA) not to rush a major decision until she had consulted her parents 7. Parents who love you and know you are often among the best people to ask.
If you are the one being asked, remember the same hadith: you are holding a trust 2. Give your honest best, or say you do not know.
Ask the people of knowledge if you do not know.
وَمَآ أَرۡسَلۡنَا مِن قَبۡلِكَ إِلَّا رِجَالࣰ ا نُّوحِيٓ إِلَيۡهِمۡۖ فَسۡـَٔلُوٓاْ أَهۡلَ ٱلذِّكۡرِ إِن كُنتُمۡ لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ ٤٣
And We sent not before you except men to whom We revealed [Our message]. So ask the people of the message if you do not know
He who is consulted is trustworthy (holds a trust).
Narrated AbuHurayrah: The Prophet (ﷺ) said: He who is consulted is trustworthy
حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ الْمُثَنَّى، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ أَبِي بُكَيْرٍ، حَدَّثَنَا شَيْبَانُ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الْمَلِكِ بْنِ عُمَيْرٍ، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم " الْمُسْتَشَارُ مُؤْتَمَنٌ " .
The best one to hire is the strong and the trustworthy.
قَالَتۡ إِحۡدَىٰهُمَا يَٰٓأَبَتِ ٱسۡتَـٔۡجِرۡهُۖ إِنَّ خَيۡرَ مَنِ ٱسۡتَـٔۡجَرۡتَ ٱلۡقَوِيُّ ٱلۡأَمِينُ ٢٦
One of the women said, "O my father, hire him. Indeed, the best one you can hire is the strong and the trustworthy
The religion is sincerity, to Allah, His Book, His Messenger, the leaders and the ordinary Muslims.
It is narrated on the authority of Tamim ad-Dari that the Prophet (ﷺ) said:"The Religion is sincerity." We said, "To whom?" He said "To Allah, to His Book, To His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their masses
حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عَبَّادٍ الْمَكِّيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، قَالَ قُلْتُ لِسُهَيْلٍ إِنَّ عَمْرًا حَدَّثَنَا عَنِ الْقَعْقَاعِ، عَنْ أَبِيكَ، قَالَ وَرَجَوْتُ أَنْ يُسْقِطَ، عَنِّي رَجُلاً قَالَ فَقَالَ سَمِعْتُهُ مِنَ الَّذِي سَمِعَهُ مِنْهُ أَبِي كَانَ صَدِيقًا لَهُ بِالشَّامِ ثُمَّ حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ عَنْ سُهَيْلٍ عَنْ عَطَاءِ بْنِ يَزِيدَ عَنْ تَمِيمٍ الدَّارِيِّ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ " الدِّينُ النَّصِيحَةُ " قُلْنَا لِمَنْ قَالَ " لِلَّهِ وَلِكِتَابِهِ وَلِرَسُولِهِ وَلأَئِمَّةِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ وَعَامَّتِهِمْ " .
The Prophet ﷺ gave Fatima bint Qays frank advice about her marriage proposals, and she was blessed in following it.
Fatima bint Qais reported that Abu 'Amr b. Hafs divorced her absolutely when he was away from home, and he sent his agent to her with some barley. She was displeased with him and when he said:I swear by Allah that you have no claim on us. she went to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and mentioned that to him. He said: There is no maintenance due to you from him, and he commanded her to spend the 'Idda in the house of Umm Sharik, but then said: That is a woman whom my companions visit. So better spend this period in the house of Ibn Umm Maktum, for he is a blind man and yon can put off your garments. And when the 'Idda is over, inform me. She said: When my period of 'Idda was over, I mentioned to him that Mu'awiya b. Abu Sufyan and Jahm had sent proposal of marriage to me, whereupon Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: As for Abu Jahm, he does not put down his staff from his shoulder, and as for Mu'awiya, he is a poor man having no property; marry Usama b. Zaid. I objected to him, but he again said: Marry Usama; so I married him. Allah blessed there in and I was envied (by others)
حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ يَحْيَى، قَالَ قَرَأْتُ عَلَى مَالِكٍ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ يَزِيدَ، مَوْلَى الأَسْوَدِ بْنِ سُفْيَانَ عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ بْنِ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، عَنْ فَاطِمَةَ بِنْتِ قَيْسٍ، أَنَّ أَبَا عَمْرِو بْنَ حَفْصٍ، طَلَّقَهَا الْبَتَّةَ وَهُوَ غَائِبٌ فَأَرْسَلَ إِلَيْهَا وَكِيلُهُ بِشَعِيرٍ فَسَخِطَتْهُ فَقَالَ وَاللَّهِ مَا لَكِ عَلَيْنَا مِنْ شَىْءٍ . فَجَاءَتْ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَذَكَرَتْ ذَلِكَ لَهُ فَقَالَ " لَيْسَ لَكِ عَلَيْهِ نَفَقَةٌ " . فَأَمَرَهَا أَنْ تَعْتَدَّ فِي بَيْتِ أُمِّ شَرِيكٍ ثُمَّ قَالَ " تِلْكَ امْرَأَةٌ يَغْشَاهَا أَصْحَابِي اعْتَدِّي عِنْدَ ابْنِ أُمِّ مَكْتُومٍ فَإِنَّهُ رَجُلٌ أَعْمَى تَضَعِينَ ثِيَابَكِ فَإِذَا حَلَلْتِ فَآذِنِينِي " . قَالَتْ فَلَمَّا حَلَلْتُ ذَكَرْتُ لَهُ أَنَّ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنَ أَبِي سُفْيَانَ وَأَبَا جَهْمٍ خَطَبَانِي . فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم " أَمَّا أَبُو جَهْمٍ فَلاَ يَضَعُ عَصَاهُ عَنْ عَاتَقِهِ وَأَمَّا مُعَاوِيَةُ فَصُعْلُوكٌ لاَ مَالَ لَهُ انْكِحِي أُسَامَةَ بْنَ زَيْدٍ " . فَكَرِهْتُهُ ثُمَّ قَالَ " انْكِحِي أُسَامَةَ " . فَنَكَحْتُهُ فَجَعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا وَاغْتَبَطْتُ بِهِ .
Umar consulted several groups of Companions before deciding not to enter a plague-stricken land.
Narrated `Abdullah bin `Abbas:`Umar bin Al-Khattab departed for Sham and when he reached Sargh, the commanders of the (Muslim) army, Abu 'Ubaida bin Al-Jarrah and his companions met him and told him that an epidemic had broken out in Sham. `Umar said, "Call for me the early emigrants." So `Umar called them, consulted them and informed them that an epidemic had broken out in Sham. Those people differed in their opinions. Some of them said, "We have come out for a purpose and we do not think that it is proper to give it up," while others said (to `Umar), "You have along with you. other people and the companions of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) so do not advise that we take them to this epidemic." `Umar said to them, "Leave me now." Then he said, "Call the Ansar for me." I called them and he consulted them and they followed the way of the emigrants and differed as they did. He then said to them, Leave me now," and added, "Call for me the old people of Quraish who emigrated in the year of the Conquest of Mecca." I called them and they gave a unanimous opinion saying, "We advise that you should return with the people and do not take them to that (place) of epidemic." So `Umar made an announcement, "I will ride back to Medina in the morning, so you should do the same." Abu 'Ubaida bin Al-Jarrah said (to `Umar), "Are you running away from what Allah had ordained?" `Umar said, "Would that someone else had said such a thing, O Abu 'Ubaida! Yes, we are running from what Allah had ordained to what Allah has ordained. Don't you agree that if you had camels that went down a valley having two places, one green and the other dry, you would graze them on the green one only if Allah had ordained that, and you would graze them on the dry one only if Allah had ordained that?" At that time `Abdur-Rahman bin `Auf, who had been absent because of some job, came and said, "I have some knowledge about this. I have heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saying, 'If you hear about it (an outbreak of plague) in a land, do not go to it; but if plague breaks out in a country where you are staying, do not run away from it.' " `Umar thanked Allah and returned to Medina
حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ يُوسُفَ، أَخْبَرَنَا مَالِكٌ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الْحَمِيدِ بْنِ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ زَيْدِ بْنِ الْخَطَّابِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ الْحَارِثِ بْنِ نَوْفَلٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، أَنَّ عُمَرَ بْنَ الْخَطَّابِ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ خَرَجَ إِلَى الشَّأْمِ حَتَّى إِذَا كَانَ بِسَرْغَ لَقِيَهُ أُمَرَاءُ الأَجْنَادِ أَبُو عُبَيْدَةَ بْنُ الْجَرَّاحِ وَأَصْحَابُهُ، فَأَخْبَرُوهُ أَنَّ الْوَبَاءَ قَدْ وَقَعَ بِأَرْضِ الشَّأْمِ. قَالَ ابْنُ عَبَّاسٍ فَقَالَ عُمَرُ ادْعُ لِي الْمُهَاجِرِينَ الأَوَّلِينَ. فَدَعَاهُمْ فَاسْتَشَارَهُمْ وَأَخْبَرَهُمْ أَنَّ الْوَبَاءَ قَدْ وَقَعَ بِالشَّأْمِ فَاخْتَلَفُوا. فَقَالَ بَعْضُهُمْ قَدْ خَرَجْتَ لأَمْرٍ، وَلاَ نَرَى أَنْ تَرْجِعَ عَنْهُ. وَقَالَ بَعْضُهُمْ مَعَكَ بَقِيَّةُ النَّاسِ وَأَصْحَابُ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَلاَ نَرَى أَنْ تُقْدِمَهُمْ عَلَى هَذَا الْوَبَاءِ. فَقَالَ ارْتَفِعُوا عَنِّي. ثُمَّ قَالَ ادْعُوا لِي الأَنْصَارَ. فَدَعَوْتُهُمْ فَاسْتَشَارَهُمْ، فَسَلَكُوا سَبِيلَ الْمُهَاجِرِينَ، وَاخْتَلَفُوا كَاخْتِلاَفِهِمْ، فَقَالَ ارْتَفِعُوا عَنِّي. ثُمَّ قَالَ ادْعُ لِي مَنْ كَانَ هَا هُنَا مِنْ مَشْيَخَةِ قُرَيْشٍ مِنْ مُهَاجِرَةِ الْفَتْحِ. فَدَعَوْتُهُمْ، فَلَمْ يَخْتَلِفْ مِنْهُمْ عَلَيْهِ رَجُلاَنِ، فَقَالُوا نَرَى أَنْ تَرْجِعَ بِالنَّاسِ، وَلاَ تُقْدِمَهُمْ عَلَى هَذَا الْوَبَاءِ، فَنَادَى عُمَرُ فِي النَّاسِ، إِنِّي مُصَبِّحٌ عَلَى ظَهْرٍ، فَأَصْبِحُوا عَلَيْهِ. قَالَ أَبُو عُبَيْدَةَ بْنُ الْجَرَّاحِ أَفِرَارًا مِنْ قَدَرِ اللَّهِ فَقَالَ عُمَرُ لَوْ غَيْرُكَ قَالَهَا يَا أَبَا عُبَيْدَةَ، نَعَمْ نَفِرُّ مِنْ قَدَرِ اللَّهِ إِلَى قَدَرِ اللَّهِ، أَرَأَيْتَ لَوْ كَانَ لَكَ إِبِلٌ هَبَطَتْ وَادِيًا لَهُ عُدْوَتَانِ، إِحْدَاهُمَا خَصِبَةٌ، وَالأُخْرَى جَدْبَةٌ، أَلَيْسَ إِنْ رَعَيْتَ الْخَصْبَةَ رَعَيْتَهَا بِقَدَرِ اللَّهِ، وَإِنْ رَعَيْتَ الْجَدْبَةَ رَعَيْتَهَا بِقَدَرِ اللَّهِ قَالَ فَجَاءَ عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنُ عَوْفٍ، وَكَانَ مُتَغَيِّبًا فِي بَعْضِ حَاجَتِهِ فَقَالَ إِنَّ عِنْدِي فِي هَذَا عِلْمًا سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ " إِذَا سَمِعْتُمْ بِهِ بِأَرْضٍ فَلاَ تَقْدَمُوا عَلَيْهِ، وَإِذَا وَقَعَ بِأَرْضٍ وَأَنْتُمْ بِهَا فَلاَ تَخْرُجُوا فِرَارًا مِنْهُ ". قَالَ فَحَمِدَ اللَّهَ عُمَرُ ثُمَّ انْصَرَفَ.
The Prophet ﷺ told Aisha not to hasten her reply until she had consulted her parents.
Narrated `Aisha:(the wife of the Prophet) when Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) was ordered to give option to his wives, he started with me, saying, "I am going to mention to you something, but you shall not hasten (to give your reply) unless you consult your parents." The Prophet (ﷺ) knew that my parents would not order me to leave him. Then he said, "Allah says: 'O Prophet (Muhammad)! Say to your wives: If you desire the life of this world and its glitter........a great reward." (33.28-29) I said, "Then why I consult my parents? Verily, I seek Allah, His Apostle and the Home of the Hereafter." Then all the other wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) did the same as I did
وَقَالَ اللَّيْثُ حَدَّثَنِي يُونُسُ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنِي أَبُو سَلَمَةَ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، أَنَّ عَائِشَةَ، زَوْجَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَتْ لَمَّا أُمِرَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم بِتَخْيِيرِ أَزْوَاجِهِ بَدَأَ بِي فَقَالَ " إِنِّي ذَاكِرٌ لَكِ أَمْرًا فَلاَ عَلَيْكِ أَنْ لاَ تَعْجَلِي حَتَّى تَسْتَأْمِرِي أَبَوَيْكِ ". قَالَتْ وَقَدْ عَلِمَ أَنَّ أَبَوَىَّ لَمْ يَكُونَا يَأْمُرَانِي بِفِرَاقِهِ، قَالَتْ ثُمَّ قَالَ " إِنَّ اللَّهَ جَلَّ ثَنَاؤُهُ قَالَ {يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُلْ لأَزْوَاجِكَ إِنْ كُنْتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ الْحَيَاةَ الدُّنْيَا وَزِينَتَهَا} إِلَى {أَجْرًا عَظِيمًا} ". قَالَتْ فَقُلْتُ فَفِي أَىِّ هَذَا أَسْتَأْمِرُ أَبَوَىَّ فَإِنِّي أُرِيدُ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَالدَّارَ الآخِرَةَ، قَالَتْ ثُمَّ فَعَلَ أَزْوَاجُ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم مِثْلَ مَا فَعَلْتُ. تَابَعَهُ مُوسَى بْنُ أَعْيَنَ عَنْ مَعْمَرٍ عَنِ الزُّهْرِيِّ قَالَ أَخْبَرَنِي أَبُو سَلَمَةَ. وَقَالَ عَبْدُ الرَّزَّاقِ وَأَبُو سُفْيَانَ الْمَعْمَرِيُّ عَنْ مَعْمَرٍ عَنِ الزُّهْرِيِّ عَنْ عُرْوَةَ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ.
The general lesson of the verse is that whoever does not know should refer to people of knowledge.
ـ يقول تعالى لنبيه محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم: { وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَا مِنْ قَبْلِكَ إِلَّا رِجَالًا ْ} أي: لست ببدع من الرسل، فلم نرسل قبلك ملائكة بل رجالا كاملين لا نساء. { نُوحِي إِلَيْهِمْ ْ} من الشرائع والأحكام ما هو من فضله وإحسانه على العبيد من غير أن يأتوا بشيء من قبل أنفسهم، { فَاسْأَلُوا أَهْلَ الذِّكْرِ ْ} أي: الكتب السابقة { إِنْ كُنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ ْ} نبأ الأولين، وشككتم هل بعث الله رجالا؟ فاسألوا أهل العلم بذلك الذين نزلت عليهم الزبر والبينات فعلموها وفهموها، فإنهم كلهم قد تقرر عندهم أن الله ما بعث إلا رجالا يوحي إليهم من أهل القرى، وعموم هذه الآية فيها مدح أهل العلم، وأن أعلى أنواعه العلم بكتاب الله المنزل. فإن الله أمر من لا يعلم بالرجوع إليهم في جميع الحوادث، وفي ضمنه تعديل لأهل العلم وتزكية لهم حيث أمر بسؤالهم، وأن بذلك يخرج الجاهل من التبعة، فدل على أن الله ائتمنهم على وحيه وتنزيله، وأنهم مأمورون بتزكية أنفسهم، والاتصاف بصفات الكمال. وأفضل أهل الذكر أهل هذا القرآن العظيم، فإنهم أهل الذكر على الحقيقة، وأولى من غيرهم بهذا الاسم،
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